Sunday, July 22, 2007
sian. i am damn frustrated right now.
i dunno if its just me or my course, but its telling me a lot more of the people around me and the friends i have. somehow im thankful this is happening, yet i dun want this to be happening at the same time.
its so damn hard to find people for a project. like damn hard la.
and i think im dumb. for helping so many other people out. seriously wad for did i do that sia? i do not know. that time i thought it was for friendship. now i think not.
its so tiring to help other people out and hear them tell u "hey when u need me i'll help u ok" then when the time comes where u need some foundation to lean on or ur in the direst straits and u seriously need help, u dun get any. as in. none. zero. kosong. bo. dun have. zilch. blank. nothing. NOTHING.
so whats the lesson i learnt?
u can help other people, just dun expect anything in return. expecting people to help u with them expecting nothing in return is total bullshit. at the end of the day, its still urself who's gonna pull yourself out of that strait ur in. nobody else is gonna do that for u. at the end of the day, u stand alone.
12:01 AM
6 comments
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
first of all, my most sincere apologies to those who were hit by my entry but wasnt supposed to be hit. i know everyone is entitled to their own opinion and i respect that. im just stating how i feel about what was said and all. and its not only what one says that hurt people, it is also how one says it (at least for me).
second, thanx for all the smses and tags. i now feel like im going to depart from the world lol. no seriously thanx a lot.
lastly, i dun like hitting people with my entries when its meant for someone else. i guess this is the last time im gonna blog. i guess only ar.. no definite statement yet. i guess only.
see ya.
8:06 PM
0 comments
there are so many things right now in my mind. im thinking.. im starting to hate poly life.. something i yearned for since i was sec 2.. im starting to hate it..
why? cant i just be sociable with teachers? whats wrong with being friendly? wad just because theyre teachers i cant be friends with them? dun bull with me can? u say i get good grades because the teachers like me. the thing that hurt me most was they way u said it. u said it as if u were saying "wow the sky is blue today". so casual. walao. do u know how hurting it is to work so hard for something, achieve that something u want, and then someone just comes along and tells u "whoa u got good grades again, teacher likes u alot"? i worked hard for what im getting, im not sucking up to teachers to get my grades. i dunno if thats what ur planning to let people know. but thats the vibe im getting when i hear something like that. why, i slacker last time now i cannot get an A is it? i slacker last time so maybe that gave u an excuse to say "oh he slacker, so he get bad results". but that doesnt give u an excuse to say i get good grades because the teachers like me; i fucking worked hard for what im getting.
if what u say is bloody true, then that should mean im being friendly with everyone around me because i need them for personal gain. so that would also mean im being friendly with popular people because i wanna be popular. that would also mean im being friendly with someone smart because i wanna get good grades also. but no wad? anyone who bloody knows me well enough will know that now, as long as i can do it, i will do it myself. i dun need to be friends with someone to get something i want because i got confidence i can do it. im friends with people because i wanna be their friend, they wanna be my friend and because its fun.
i dunno what got into you. i dunno why u said this. seriously right, im really hurt when u said that. and the way u said it got me a second stab. i din show that it hurt. i din wanna spoil tonight. tonight was fun. until u said that. i got stunned u know. i hate the way u do stuff sometimes. and this is one of those. seriously. i still consider u as a friend. and this came out of ur mouth. i cant believe u.
siala. i need to say sorry to my blog. all my entries these past few days all ranting one. all angsty. sorry blog. next time i blog about happy stuff. if i get to experience some. but i got so many problems now.
u. i still dunno what to do when i see u. i start to feel weak once i see u. as much as i like u, no serious i like u a lot, i dun like feeling weak. i dunno what to do.
so much homework. i cant even go gym. yes i know my time management is bad, and thats what im starting to change today. but still... so much homework.
friends start to change one by one. either that or they show their true colours. damn irritating when u suddenly get to know that someone isnt really that nice.
money. i need money like mad now. im broke like hell. i wanna go shopping. i wanna relieve stress by shopping. headphones, amplifiers, speakers, receivers, mbox, mixer, turntable, imac, shit i wanna buy a lot of stuff.
the only good things that are happening to me in poly are having friends to lean on. i wun mention names here. u know who u all are. thanx sia. without u all i think i'll be crumbling now. seriously. thanx a lot.
i'm gonna get a new phone this sat. im so looking forward to it. finally. stress relief.
12:54 AM
0 comments
Sunday, July 15, 2007
ok my friends... i hear your thoughts..
thanx for the people who tagged... i really appreciate ur thoughts and tags, mean or no mean, a lot.. =DDD
so today will be the start of the brand new me.. if there is one.. ok there is on..
I SHALL STOP BEING A TEDDYBEAR FROM NOW ON.. I'LL BE HUMAN! or ogre WHATEVER BUT NOT TEDDYBEAR!
=DDDD
die u all die! ok im kidding.. actually im bored but yeah.. =D
2:57 PM
0 comments
Saturday, July 14, 2007
hmmm.
see. the thing there said dun ask me i wun answer u unless ur my mother. well... i dunno if u read it.. but u still went on and asked me.. again and again and again...
i answered u. now if u dun believe what i say right, then what the hell was the point of even asking me? damn redundant right? like people saying "repeat again" or "return me back". its damn redundant.
now, pls tell me, whether ur blind or wad, or ur retarded or wad. seriously i dunno what the hell ur problem is.
i just dun have the heart, not the courage but the heart, to tell u upfront the way u do stuff really pisses me off. sometimes.
SIMENG DUN WORRY IM NOT REFERRING TO U OK.. =)
10:02 PM
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Friday, July 06, 2007
DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS DONE WHEN I WAS DAMN PISSED. WAS IS THE KEYWORD. DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT WHO THE PPLE ARE BECAUSE I WILL NOT TELL U WHO NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE UNLESS YOU'RE MY MOTHER.
This week has been a very shitty week (Becks, 2007, p. 11; Winwin, 2007, p. 21). I have met a lot of fucking irritating people this week. Everyone hates fucking irritating people. At first, one would think "Well this person is irritating but yeah maybe I can take a bit more..". After a week or two, the same person would think "Wow omg this person is so irritating.. This person is getting on my nerves..". But there is this point of time where every human being, male or female, normal or abnormal, obese or not obese, reaches a certain limit of patience. when that limit is crossed, one would think "OMFG THIS PERSON IS SO FUCKING IRRITATING I WANNA SLAP THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THE PERSON'S FACE, PULL OUT ALL THE PERSON'S TEETH AND MAKE THE PERSON CRINGE IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT THE PERSON SHOULD NEVER WANT TO STEP OUTSIDE THE HOUSE AGAIN". And then this would make you wonder, "Why are these fucking irritating people so fucking irritating?". These fucking irritating people are fucking irritating due to three main reasons: They are assholes, they are bloody irritators and they ruin your plan for the day.
Firstly, fucking irritating people are fucking irritating because they are assholes. They irritate the hell out of you every once in a while (you are quite lucky if this is the case) or every time (well you are not that lucky if this is the situation you are in). They try to tell you that "Hey I can do this and you can't", but then again you would not care about what the hell they are doing since doing it does not give you any practical advantage in real life. Also, they try to act cool and suave; they try to make it seem as if they know everything under the sun, though in actual fact, their guess is as good as your guess. They also try to make you do according to what they think, which will, I am certain of it, irritate the hell out of you. Lastly, these fucking irritating people are assholes as they degrade you all the time for their personal benefit; they make themselves look cool by making the people around them look uncool, which, in this case, is very anal and kao bei. These fucking irritating facts about some fucking irritating people are what make them assholes.
At the same time, some fucking irritating are seriously fucking irritating as they are bloody irritators. They tend to bitch and whine a lot, which make them fucking irritating. For the simplest of things which anyone, even a baby, can ever do, they will, believe me, I am not exaggerating, ask for help ALL THE TIME. For example, a fucking irritating person which is a bugger would ask you to help carry stuff, which kinds of makes you wonder "How the fuck did you bring it over here in the first place?". Another example would be the fucking irritating person asking you to borrow a book for the same person's own use, when the same fucking irritating person is right beside you and is not really doing anything. Again, this situation will, I am very very sure, make you think "Why can't you bloody do it yourself? Are you missing half a brain or something? You know they sell pig's brains at the nearby kopitiam. I'm really sure that half of that pig's brain can really match with your other half brain in your head. I can lend you money if you dun have any now. Oh what? You want me to help you buy? OK but last one already ar..." Also these buggers think that they are royalty. They think, yes they can think, that everything that goes around them must be to their convenience. However, these buggers fail to realise that they are not in their idiotic and bloody realm of imagination anymore, but are in the real, physical world. For some, this might be of little concern. However, there are LOTS AND LOTS of people who think that these fucking irritating people should be slapped, or even be killed and resurrected to be killed again and again, so that they wake up to their senses and finally realise that they are in the real world and not the Kids Central world.
Finally, fucking irritating people are fucking irritating as they ruin your plan for the day. Chia (2007) stated:
"There's this most irritating feeling where you achieve this sense of promise from someone and in the end that person backs out. And it's even MORE irritating when the backing out part is so last minute. What's worse is when someone knows that he/she's got other engagements but forget and make plans and then throw away those plans just 'cause he/she suddenly remembers that he/she had previous plans already. No, losing party's not the forgetful one; it's the one with false hopes that gets screwed."
(para. 1)
What you have painstakingly been planning, maintaining or looking forward to, these fucking irritating people destroy. Some go as far as making one wait for nothing. Personally, I find waiting to be the shittiest thing to do in the whole wide world. In my humble opinion, waiting is morally and politically acceptable when one waits for someone or something at the very least. Waiting is then not morally acceptable and impolitically correct one waits for nothing. Waiting for nothing is a bloody waste of time and energy. It makes one miss out on all the other stuff that one could be doing, like going to gym, getting home early to do work, sleeping, learning new things and all the others that occur in your mind while reading this piece of crap essay.
To me, fucking irritating people are, well, simply fucking irritating. If law allows a fucking irritating person to be murdered, all fucking irritating people should be exterminated. They should be slapped in the face millions and millions of times. After that, they should be killed. And then resurrected. And then killed again. This process of killing and resurrecting, called killurrecting, should be repeated millions of times. After which, these fucking irritating people should be banished in a single room, in which they, in high hopes, contract the disease called "hikikomori" (Becks, 2007, p. 12) and then die.
11:16 PM
0 comments
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
ok. first of all, im sorry. i thought u knew.
its like a bad dream sia. like.. u thought everyone knew something that u thought they knew, for like the longest time, and then u suddenly like wake up and realize "hey.. no one knows me.."
and then its like.. u think to urself.. suddenly everyone's like so far away from u.. its like.. yeah i feel like that now..
since u dunno, let me tell u like some details about myself.
i dunno how many bloody millions of times ive said this to like everyone, but im gonna say it again. I SUAN BECAUSE I FRIEND U. I DUN SUAN U BECAUSE I HATE U EXCEPT FOR ONE PERSON WE ALL KNOW WHO. i dunno why, i dunno how, so dun ask me. different people got different ways of showing affection. for me, suaning is one of them. i suan u because i consider u as a good friend, someone close to me. i consider u like someone whos gonna go through thick and thin with me. i dunno if u can see that but i dun suan anyone i dun really consider a friend. so like, if ever i offended u like in my suaning, yeah well, i apologize alright?
2ndly, im an "emotions" guy. not emo guy, but "emotions" guy. i go more for "feel". when i listen to songs, i dont really listen to the lyrics, but more of how the song is delivered. is there enough emotion in it to make me feel what the words mean? i do not plan at all but i go by, yes, i hope u said it in ur mind, gut feeling. when i feel like this idea is gonna get me the result i want, i just go with that idea. simple as that. so whats the point of me saying this? the point is, i say stuff differently than others. when people say "sorry", they mean sorry. when i say "sorry", i can mean a lot of things. i can mean "sorry ur an asshole", or maybe my sorry means "im kidding only", and the most rarely used is "sorry i wont do it again". its in the way i say it, not what i say.
then, i'd like to listen to my friends problems and help them about it if they'd ask me to, but i dun really like the idea of me telling friends about my probs. i dunno why dun ask me. maybe something inside me just tells me i can do this on my own. so im not giving up yet. unless its something trivial that makes me lazy to think about it, i dun tell my probs to other pple.
i'm also the kind of guy who cannot really hide how i feel. as i said, im a "feel" guy. i am one and im proud of being one. and thats partly the reason why i cannot hide how i feel, unless its the emotion called "like", which falls under "sad". oh thats another thing about me. i only have 3 categories of emotions. happy, sad, angry.
and i believe a person shouldnt let his inner child die. sounds wrong right im like making the person which is a he sound pregnant. thats not the point. i believe each and everyone of us has a child within, psychologically. now, if u let that child die, ur goner. i believe it takes away the living soul out of u. and i believe once that child is gone, u'll be a damn boring person. serious forever, joke also cannot, must always follow manual, follow rules, everything also must be followed... well u get what i mean.
lastly, i might joke around and all, i might horse around and be childish all the time. but at the end of the day, i still fall under the category of living things called "humans", so i still have a serious side in me. when i get serious sometimes, pple stlll think im joking. thats the point of time when i feel like burying a punch in the person's face. ok point is, i hate it when people around me think that "eh thats cedric he wun get angry one la he always kidding one how to get angry". i hate those kind of pple. they should like be shot by a firing squad with plastic bullets. yeah well im not that mean, dun die, torture only.
so anyway yeah.
well, thanx for waking me up. ok i know it sounds sarcastic, but yeah, im not ok.. just.. thanx..
im gonna like make me a goal now. sounds stupid but whatever. im gonna find people whom i can relate to.. those that i can call "my people", those that can understand me like.. yeah i dun wanna have misunderstandings like this anymore. so yeah.. till i find "my people", bye phatman. hello Cedric.
7:44 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
pffft..
i dunno wad to call today.
im at a loss of words.
isn't it nice to sing jazz...?
or listen.. either one will do for me..
time passes by so quickly when u jazz..
jazzing..
its the best thing to do when u dunno how to describe ur day..
sit or stand, dance around..
when it rains outside..
just jazz..
its the best thing to do..
when u dunno how to describe ur day..
4:30 AM
0 comments
